sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
