can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
