whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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