my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think my vagina is haunted
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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