Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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