how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
