i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
