Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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