Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
