jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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