I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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