I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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