Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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