Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
