No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize