Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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