Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
