I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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