Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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