her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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