I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
