My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
