it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
