Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
