I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
