I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
