U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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