I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
