I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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