apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't think brook has ever known best
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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