Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't turn off my feet"
I just had sex on a roof
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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