And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
