she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
