I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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