You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
