Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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