So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
