I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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