Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
