I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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