If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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