I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
