Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
