One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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