Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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