Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
