Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
