I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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