I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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