my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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