i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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