I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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