Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
