I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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