the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
