And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize