If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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