My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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