If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
