i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My cat gives me a boner
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
