I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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