A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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