Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
