At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
