none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
