roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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