You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I am morally bankrupt
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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