i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Let the clothes fall where they may.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
