Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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